"Shelling, shooting, arresting, and chasing... The sounds of shelling and shooting were like any other day..."

In March, he goes outside. It's snowing. Then, something that might seem extraordinary to people outside Syria: Al describes talking with a security forces officer in the street.

"The streets were empty and the sounds of shelling could be heard every few seconds coming from afar, and shooting from nearby as well. I heard someone calling me from the darkness and couldn't see who it was, they told me not to be scares, but I wasn't anyway.

"I walked towards the voice and found a member of the security forces, he was wearing his uniform and holding his rifle and standing behind a wall. He asked me what I wanted and why I was there, and then he told me not to walk in that area at night and to be careful. He was nice to me and he even offered me some water if I didn't have any at home. I asked him what he thinks will happen next, he hesitated to answer, but it was obvious what he was trying to say.

"He mumbled something about Libya and Egypt, and that was enough. He's a good guy, but he was too scared to leave his barrier and join the free army. I asked him if he needed a place to stay in and I was hinting that I can help him leave Assad forces, but he didn't answer. I walked away from him without saying another word. I wish I could protect him, but I can't even protect myself."

Later, Al would continue watching the same online videos as the rest of world, images that were so repulsive and violent, words seemed pointless.

"By the end of March I didn't want to write anymore as I felt like I've been writing the same things over and over again. The situation in Homs didn't change for two months and every day is the same. A vicious circle of shelling, shooting, arresting, and chasing has been controlling us all for a long time and especially since early February.

"Today was the first day of the eight days Annan gave Syria to stop all types of violence, but seems like the regime misunderstood what Annan is trying to do as their attacks spread to new areas, and that's why I have decided to write again, as for the first time ever, I was able to see buildings being hit directly without leaving my house.

"A cheesy thought came to my mind since we're in April. The Syrian regime decided to fool Kofi Annan and the rest of the world by accepting to ceasefire on April 1st. This is the greatest April fool's of all time. Assad will call the Security Council on the 12th and be like "I GOT YOU! OH I GOT YOU GOOD!" and they'll laugh and forget about us forever."

Survivor's guilt

In late May, at least 50 people, including 13 children, were killed when Syrian forces attacked the town of Houla in Homs province, anti-government activists said.

Syria's government denied that its troops were behind the bloodbath, and a Foreign Ministry spokesman denounced a "tsunami of lies" against al-Assad's government.

Videos posted on YouTube show demonstrations in cities across the country, including Damascus, Daraa, Idlib and the suburbs of Hama.

"Oh Houla, we are with you until death," they chanted.

Al published a blog entry May 29 recalling the Houla massacre.

"Today started like any other day in my sad city Homs. Gunfire and shelling sounds could be heard every now and then, but that didn't stop the people from going out to buy food and other basic things.

"The streets in the safe neighborhoods turned into markets where sellers use the sidewalks to show their products, like vegetables, Hummus, bread, and sometimes shoes. But then again there are no real safe neighborhoods in Homs anymore. Mortar shells and gunshots can come out of nowhere to take lives.

"Shelling in Houla started slowing down but not in other area, and that helped some people get inside to check what happened, and that's when the reports started coming.

"I will never forget that night. I can never forgive those monsters. And I ask you to not forget what happened there in Houla. That big scar in the face of all humanity will never fade away."

Al feels a kind of guilt about what happened.

"We are truly sorry we failed you Houla," he writes. "We are ashamed of ourselves."

Last words

Al's latest blog came July 29. It's long, a compendium of notes he's been keeping over the past few months. Much of it just a couple lines for each day. They read like the top lines of news stories. There are accounts of shells dropping and clashes in the street. An explosion has hit near his house and rattled the windows. It's been difficult to get online, he writes, and cell phone networks are down all the time.

"June 20th, the numbers of casualties are increasing every day. The attacks have become more vicious than ever all over Syria. Still no cellphones, 3G, or Dial up."

CNN continued to communicate with Al. He had been thinking a lot about the chance Syria seemed to have months and the initial optimism he felt in the days after a cease-fire negotiated by U.N.-Arab League envoy Kofi Annan earlier in the spring.